o o o o o o o o o o o o o o THE ADVENTURERS o o o o April Fools o o special o o 2011 o o o o o o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o Many of the locations, non-player characters, spells, and other o o terms used in these stories are the property of Wizards of the Coast o o which has in no way endorsed or authorized their use. Any such o o property contained within these stories are not representative of o o Wizards of the Coast in any fashion. o o The player characters depicted in these stories are copyright o o 1991-2011 by Thomas A. Miller. Any resemblance to any persons o o or characters either real or fictional is utterly coincidental. o o Copying and/or distribution of these stories is permissible under o o the sole condition that no money is made in the process. In that o o case, I hope you enjoy them! o o This particular story is completely out of continuity and nothing o o within is canon in any way. See the closing section for some notes o o about this story's special guest-stars. o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o Alindyar 18th level drow wizard o o Lyra 14th level female drow wizard o o Belphanior 18th/18th/18th level elven fighter/wizard/thief o o Otto 10th/13th level dwarven fighter/thief o o Mongo 18th level dwarven warrior o o Peldor 20th level human thief o o Bosco 12th level halfling thief o o Peyote 12th/12th level half-elven fighter/druid o o Rillen 18th level human warrior monk o o Songa 13th level human huntress o o Rob 17th level human priest o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o Place: the 13th level of the Lost Dungeons of Fulio IV o o Climate: heated o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o "Am I dreaming?" o o "We all are." o o - Mal & River, from the _Firefly_ episode "Objects in Space" o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Adventurers, Protectors, and Destroyers After a descent that had taken three days and introduced them to perils beyond imagination, the party had found the great hall of the Insane Baron and was locked in mortal combat with a legion of deadly foes... Mongo: (hurls Stormcrest, putting a huge dent into an iron golem's head) Damn, that thing's tough. Alindyar: (waves a hand, transforming an entire section of floor into a morass of mud and causing a dozen trolls to sink into the mire) I see no rational explanation for this horde of foes. Lyra: (fires a Chain Lightning, blasting a trio of evil wizards as well as the five armored warriors assigned to guard them from peril) There doesn't have to be an explanation - just don't let them get the best of us! Rob: (facing off against a hulking mummy swathed in rotten bandages, he brandishes his holy symbol of Trithereon) Begone, foul one! mummy: (falls apart, quickly reduced to a pile of dirty wrappings) Belphanior: (parries a blow and stabs a half-orc warrior in the heart, slaying the foe) Ahhhhh... Otto: (fires his crossbow, spearing a vampiric bat in mid-flight) vampiric bat: (falls from the air, shrieking as it transforms into a black-cloaked vampire) Peldor: (becomes visible right behind the undead as he stabs it in the back) vampire: (hisses, turning toward the master thief) Bosco: (flies down and stabs the vampire in the back from the other side) Ha! Peyote: (causes roots and vines to erupt from the dungeon floor beneath an evil high priest, ruining the opponent's spell and immobilizing him) Insane Baron Fulio: No...no! It's not possible! Peyote: Why not? Insane Baron Fulio: It's just not! Songa: (casts her spear, grazing the mad archmage in the side and thus interrupting his spell) Yes, it is. Rillen: (charging forth, his staff spinning) You have ruled this land and terrorized its inhabitants long enough, tyrant. Today we shall- The monk was batted aside by some unknown defense, as the insane Baron brandished a glowing green idol. The thing was cut from a single chunk of some eldritch gemstone, and it pulsed with weird power. Insane Baron Fulio: (holding the idol over his head) You won't have the last laugh. You won't! Belphanior: (intending to end this fight with a single strategic move, he hits the idol with a well-placed bolt of lightning) Unexpectedly, the thing exploded...but the blast wasn't concussive in nature. Rather, strange magical energies flowed forth in waves, bathing everyone in unknown radiation. The next thing the adventurers knew, they were standing in the bottom and center of a large outdoor dirt pit. The sky above was clear and blue, the sun shone overhead, and there was no sign of Fulio, his legion of monsters, or his dungeon. However, there was good cause for concern, as a gigantic yellow mass of armor and wheels hurtled right toward the party! Bosco: Is that a juggernaut? Mongo: Everyone get behind me! (reacting instinctively, he hurls Stormcrest at the thing bearing down on them) gigantic yellow armored thing: (stopped in its tracks as shattered armor plating flies everywhere) Flying above the scene, the armored hero known as Champion witnessed this, swearing from within his powered battlesuit. He had no idea who the dozen or so new arrivals to the battle were, but given that one of them had just decimated a runaway bulldozer, he had to assume they were associated with the Destroyers. Which brought his mind back to the battle at hand, just a moment too late... Blitzkrieg: (swoops down from above, preceded by blasts of intense electrical energy) Pay attention or pay the price, fool! The armored hero fell from the sky, his armor's energy capacitors not quite able to handle the unexpected overflow of energy. He'd been hard at work on boosting their limits, but that had to be tested, and to do that, he had to have a chance to prepare. Instead, he now plummeted from the sky like a rock. Champion: Oh, damn. Spectrum: Relax, I've got you. (he generates a pale net of force under his teammate, catching him and sparing him from a brutal impact with the ground) That was close. (he turns his attention to Blitzkrieg, who is flying away above) Oh, no you don't- Crusader: I'm on it. (he leaps into the air, quickly catching up to the super-villain) Blitzkrieg: Oh, no, not him- Crusader: (grabs the other with one hand and swings with the other fist, knocking him unconscious with a single punch) And after I drop you off on the ground, I'll deal with your friends. Below, the adventurers could hardly believe their eyes as they witnessed these mighty feats. Belphanior: What is this? Where _are_ we? Peyote: I'm not feeling the love from the ground beneath our feet. I don't think this is Oerth. Peldor: No problem. We'll just figure out how to get back. Alindyar: If we have the opportunity. A large golem-like being was charging toward them; fifteen feet tall, the thing was almost as wide. It was more or less a gigantic, heavily- muscled figure of dark gray metal. Panzer: Don't know who you are, but I'll smash you! Through the living-metal super-villain's words made perfect sense to him, his allies, and his enemies the Protectors, they sounded like total babbling to the Adventurers (and vice versa.) Such was the case with beings from one reality, thrust into another. This language barrier meant that actions spoke a lot louder than words. Mongo: (hurls Stormcrest at the charging metal man) Panzer: (knocked back with incredible force, his massive form digs a furrow into the ground as it travels) Urgh... Mongo: (catches his hammer) Any other clowns want to mess with me? The dwarf was suddenly picked up by some unseen force and elevated ten feet into the air! Mongo: Hey! small, skinny man in some sort of purple underwear: (approaches, waving his hand) Mongo: (hurtles through the air, striking the airborne Crusader, who'd just deposited the unconscious Blitzkrieg on the ground) The force of this impact generated palpable waves of force, and both super-strong individuals fell to the ground, semi-conscious. Mover: (smirks) Belphanior: (sneaking up behind the small man, sword raised) Mover: (whirls, reaching out with one hand and stopping the elf in mid- approach) Did you really think that you could sneak up on a master of telekinesis? Fool. (he blinks) Say, why are your ears pointed? Are you some kind of demon? Belphanior: (not understanding this gibberish) Let me go and I'll make you eat those words. Mover: (gestures, sending Belphanior crashing into several of his companions and bowling them over, knocking Peyote out in the process) Hahahah! Alindyar: (to Lyra) This little man is annoying, no matter what odd language he speaks. With a thought, the reality-controlling dark elf caused the very ground below the fellow to rise up and batter him, with enough force to knock him out. Spook: (watching from afar) That's a very interesting power you've got there. (he concentrates) Alindyar: Aie! (he falls to his knees) Spook's mind entered Alindyar's...or tried to. The super-villain had the ability to control the actions of other people, but his power wasn't working right this time. It might have been Alindyar's formidable brain, or the fact that he thought in an entirely different language, or even the fact that he altered reality with a notion. Whatever the case, the effort proved too much for both individuals, and they simply fell down unconscious. Lyra: Alindyar! What happened? Shrapnel: (sauntering up with an evil grin) Don't worry about him... worry about me. (he grits his teeth, suddenly emitting a barrage of sharp metal spikes) Lyra: What- Something whizzed by, and just like that, Lyra was gone. Shrapnel: Turbo! Damn it! Otto: (fires a crossbow bolt at the man, only missing his heart due to some sort of unnaturally sharp reflexive action) Shrapnel: (staring in disbelief at the bolt in his shoulder) What? Otto: You may not be able to understand me, but I hope you understood that. Shrapnel: (falls, poison coursing through his veins) Nearby... Turbo: (slows back down to normal speed, focusing on Lyra) Are you okay? Lyra: (blinks, as she was staring at a volley of metal blades a moment ago, and now she's obviously elsewhere) What? Turbo: Okay, I know you can't understand me, but I just saved your life. You're welcome. Nearby but elsewhere... Iceberg: Holy shit. That little dude just shot Shrapnel! Megaton: So he did. (he points both fists at Otto, releasing powerful concussive blasts) Not only was Otto knocked out, but Songa as well. Megaton's triumph was short-lived, though, as the now-recovered Champion hit him with a blast of energy. Iceberg retaliated with a cold attack, freezing the air around the armored hero and encasing him in a sheath of solid ice. Iceberg: Hah. Enjoy being a popsicle. Champion: (begins glowing brightly) Iceberg: Aw, geez... Champion: (melts the ice around himself) You won't get me with the same trick twice. After last time, I figured out how to insulate my armor from your attacks long enough to burn my way out. (he fires a net of pliant plastic mesh, trapping the super-villain) This wire is too flexible for you to freeze and shatter, so just stay put until we beat all of your friends and take you to jail again. Nearby... Peldor: What do we do now? Bosco: Tell me about it. Things are happening way too fast. Rob: It seems sensible to try and establish some means of communication. I'll try a spell to accomplish- Rillen: Beware! Antibody: (appears in front of them...and behind them...and to the side of them) Bosco: Hey! There're three of him. No, four. Peldor: Five. Rillen: There's six. (he holds his staff at the ready) My training will enable me to deal with more than one of these. Just then, a couple of things happened. The super-villains had all recovered (or gathered their incapacitated) and regrouped; they now faced off against the super-heroes. The Protectors The Destroyers Antibody Blitzkrieg Champion Iceberg Crusader Megaton Spectrum Panzer Turbo Shrapnel Mover Spook Megaton: Looks like you're outnumbered... Mongo: (shaking his head, he steps up beside the five heroes, holding his hammer with obvious intent) I know none of you can understand what the hell I'm saying, but I'm going to kick the shit out of the next person who attacks me or any of my friends. (he glares rather menacingly at the seven Destroyers) Which probably means you. Bosco: You tell him, Mongo! The standoff was interrupted by the appearance of a large black disk right behind the super-villains. Champion: It's Warp...quick, stop them before they get away! It was too late, though, as the heroes had known it would be. Warp was a Destroyer who had the power to open teleportation portals, and in the blink of an eye, he had spirited his allies away to parts unknown. Crusader: (muttering) Probably their secret evil headquarters. One of these days, we're going to find it...and when we do...(he shakes a fist in the air) Turbo: Relax, big guy. We won. Antibody: Which leaves us with this strange crew. Where do you suppose they're from? Spectrum: And why do they have swords and warhammers? Champion: We may not know, but we do know someone who can find out. (he opens a communication link to the team's headquarters) Soon... Mage: -and that's it. They're from another dimension and traveled here by accident. Spectrum: Why _here_? I mean, what are the odds? Mage: (shrugs, his mystic robes fluttering around him of their own volition) That is difficult to say. As our world's Sorcerer Supreme, I can tell you this: the ways of magic are strange and unpredictable. Crusader: It's definitely magic, then? Mage: (nods) They do not belong here, and in fact, a couple of them are powerful enough to seriously upset the balance of magic in our world. It's best that we send them back, and quickly. Turbo: Can we talk to them first? I'd like to have some words with the hot white-haired chick who I rescued. Mage: (shakes his head, and tells a half-truth) The magic necessary to facilitate that conversation is great, and I do not wish to expend the energy. Instead, I'll speak with one of these individuals and explain what is transpiring. Shortly... Alindyar: Of course we would like to return to our world. Have you the power? Mage: Indeed I do. (he doesn't bother to mention that the dark elf may also have the power, if not the understanding, to accomplish this) I shall now open a portal which you eleven can venture through and get home. The tall elf appears agitated - what irks him? Alindyar: Think nothing of it - he is always that way. He probably suspects that you seek to mislead and harm us...though it is possible that he seeks to gain power from items found on your world. It is best if you get on with this, so we can get home. Mage: It shall be done. Both powerful users of magic nodded, an unspoken understanding passing between them, and momentarily, a shimmering blue portal lay before the eleven adventurers. With a single glance backward (and at least one hand firmly clamped on the unpredictable Bosco) the group headed through the mystical gateway and back to Oerth where they belonged. next: maybe a sequel to this, in 2012 gateways: http://www.peldor.com/misc/gateways_980.htm ftp: ftp.peldor.com www: http://www.peldor.com/download.html homepage: http://www.peldor.com/ email: tmilleropeldor.com released: 4/1/2011 notes: Who are the Protectors? Well......what happened was that, way back in the mid-1980s, I invented my own superhero team, along with a supervillain team that would come into conflict with them and give them a basic reason to be. I wasn't planning on writing stories about all these people or anything, this was just an early flash of my creativity. Anyhow, they all had cool names and powers, and to give them personalities, I matched each of them to someone I knew in high school. This was the best readily-available source of varying personalities, and rest assured, there was at least one of everything in the bunch - jocks, nerds, potheads, cheerleaders, holy rollers, sluts, thugs, ad infinitum. Let me be clear: at the time (1986 or so) not a single one of the hero or villain names was "taken" in any comic, book, or movie. And better, some of their powers actually hadn't yet been "taken" by any published superhero or supervillain published to that point. I say this because I want it known that I thought of a lot of these first. You can probably guess where I'm going with this. It was 1986, I'd invented a bunch of cool super-powered people and named them...and I did absolutely nothing with them for a quarter of a century. Now it's 2011, we've had tons more comics come out, hundreds of characters, not to mention "Heroes" and other such shows and movies. Many of the names and powers I came up with in my teens have been used and perhaps even copyrighted. It's frustrating. Anyway, I hadn't done an April Fool's story in a while, so I figured I'd do something never seen before: sword-and-sorcery vs superheroes. This one-shot episode was brief, and purposely so; you can't have a ton of different characters mixing it up and keep them all interesting. So I just gave you a glimpse of about a dozen heroes and villains. Maybe there will be a sequel to this episode for a future April Fools. Last thing: I haven't forgotten about Halloween, and I have another timely idea ready for a Halloween 2011 story. Seven months should be enough time to write that one! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo