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+ THE ADVENTURERS +
+ The various characters contained in these writings are +
+ copyright 1993 by Thomas Miller. Any resemblance to any +
+ persons or characters either real or fictional is utterly +
+ coincidental. Copying and/or distribution of these tales +
+ is permissible only under the sole condition that no part +
+ of them will be used or sold for profit. In that case, I +
+ hope you enjoy them... +
+ Thomas Miller +
+ email@example.com +
+ THE PARTY: +
+ Alindyar 13th level drow elf mage (N) +
+ Lyra 10th level female drow elf mage (N) +
+ Belphanior 9th/11th/11th level high elf w/m/t (CN) +
+ Ged 10th/12th level grey elf priest/mage (NG) +
+ Arnold 9th level human warrior (NG) +
+ Mongo 12th level dwarf warrior (CG) +
+ Flint 9th level dwarf warrior (CG) +
+ Peldor 15th level human thief (N) +
+ Rillen 12th level human warrior (N) +
+ Date: 2/1/572 C.Y. (Common Year) +
+ Time: early evening +
+ Place: within an uncivilized continent +
+ Climate: warm and humid +
+ "There is no sincerer love than the love of food." +
+ George Bernard Shaw +
CIX. The Cannibal Feast
The party had sailed far south, to a jungle-covered land,
and explored for most of the day. Then, unfortunately, a
force of savages attacked, and, by virtue of poisoned darts
and sheer numbers, succeeded in incapacitating the vast
majority of the adventurers. Only Ged (due to his magical
belt of protection against normal missiles) and Belphanior
(due to his Stoneskin spell and his magical periapt, and a
bit of luck) escaped, flying away shakily as the savages
gathered around the others, who were all unconscious...
Mongo: (opens his eyes slowly, painfully) ...huh?
There was a strange sensation, but the dwarf quickly
realized what it was. He was partially underwater! The
savages had apparently put him in some kind of big pool.
It didn't take him long to notice the others who were in
the same predicament - Rillen, Peldor, Flint, Arnold, and
the drow, Alindyar and Lyra. Like Mongo, they had been
stripped, bound hand and foot, and set up with their backs
to the edge of whatever it was that they were in. There
was also a stranger in the pool with them, a tall, scarred
older fellow, but he was unconscious, and so Mongo ignored
him for now.
The water level was high, lapping at their necks (Mongo
and Flint, shorter than the others, had been propped up in
such a way that they could still breathe), but the dwarf
noticed that no one else was awake yet. Chalking another
one up to his great dwarven constitution, Mongo looked
around as best as he could...and realized something else:
they were elevated above the surrounding ground. In fact,
they were in some kind of big clearing, though it was hard
to tell, since dusk was long gone and the stars were now
the only illumination.
A blazing light appeared right in front of Mongo. After
a few seconds, the dwarf realized that it was only a torch
that someone had lit near him. Other torches were now
being lit, and placed in a circular pattern around the
adventurers. Numerous savages milled about, dressed in
strange feathered robes or skirts, and not much else.
savage: (walks up and looks at Mongo) Kry-eee!
other savage: Nnnng-ho. Klaaaaa?
third savage: Jing-hai blod goo.
Rillen: (to Mongo) What do you think they want?
Mongo: Huh? (turns his head) Oh, who knows?
Rillen: (nods his head toward the stranger) Who is this
Mongo: I dunno. I think-
person: (wakes up suddenly) What the h- Who are you
Mongo: We're adventurers. I bet I know who _you_ are,
person: I am called Kiel.
Mongo: That's kinda what I thought. We came to find you
and get some directions. Looks like you got captured.
Kiel: So you are the rescue party?
Rillen: Yes, except that we got captured too.
Kiel: Hmm. Not good.
Peldor: (stirs) Where the hell are we? Hey! Someone
tied me up! (notices for the first time the party's
Arnold: (stirs) Whou...aaaaa.
Lyra: (wakes up) Hmm? (realizes that she is now naked)
Peldor: (tied next to Lyra, also realizes that she is
naked) Hey...(nonchalantly begins stealing glances at
the partially submerged elf)
Lyra: (blushes slightly)
Mongo: Cripes, Peldor, show some decency!
Peldor: Huh? Well, we're all in the same boat here.
Lyra: (trying to wriggle her body further underwater)
savages: (dancing around in glee, to a hidden drumbeat)
Mongo: (looks around) Uh-oh.
Mongo: I just figured out where we are.
Peldor: Oh, good. Where?
Mongo: In a COOKING POT! Fuuuuuck! (begins struggling
against his bonds, but they are well-tied and strong)
Peldor: Geez. I knew you needed a bath, but this is just
a bit extreme...
Mongo: Shut up.
Kiel: I think we are the main course for tonight's stew.
Flint: (wakes up) Where the hell are we now?
Rillen: Naked, weaponless, bound, and in a cooking pot.
Flint: (looks shocked)
Rillen: Well, you asked.
savage with torch: Ngok glee! (he lights something under
the big cooking pot, and flames spring up all around the
base of the thing)
Arnold: Id's gedding hot in here...
Alindyar: (awakens) Who? Where? Why?
Lyra: We're in trouble.
Alindyar: (looks around) I can clearly see that. (looks
at Lyra's bare shoulders above the waterline) And that
is not _all_ I can see, either!! What is the meaning of
Lyra: (shrugs) They tied us up.
Alindyar: Zounds! Someone shall pay for this!
Peldor: (eyeing Lyra) buns...
Alindyar: Those are _my_ buns! (tries to kick Peldor)
savages: (continue to dance merrily, as the water in the
oversize cooking pot heats up)
Arnold: I said, id's gedding _hot_ in here...
Mongo: Hmm, well, the others are probably on their way
right now, to rescue us.
meanwhile, miles away...
Ged: (slaps Belphanior) Wake up, I say!
Belphanior: (opens his eyes) Huh? (looks around) Hmmm.
I guess this means we landed in one piece.
Ged: (rubs some bruises) That's one way of putting it.
Belphanior: Where are the others? Where are the savages?
Ged: I don't think we landed anywhere near that bunch.
Belphanior: Well, it's dark now. And it was light when
we fled the battle. So a bit of time has elapsed.
Ged: ...because you collapsed from the sleep poison.
Belphanior: It's a lucky thing that we flew as far as we
did. Also, of course, a lucky thing that I had my magic
Ged: Enough of this. We must find the others, and then
Belphanior: True. Cannibals don't tend to keep their
food around for long before they eat it...
Ged: How do we know that they're cannibals?
Belphanior: Hey, how do we know that they're _not_?
Let's get going.
Belphanior: Say, how are we going to find the others?
Ged: We need to _fly_ again. Savages usually build camp-
fires at night, right? Well, we just float up into the
night sky, and look for campfires.
Belphanior: Wow, why didn't I think of that?
Ged: No doubt you're still groggy from that poison.
Belphanior: Maybe...fortunately, my spell of flying is
still active. But not for much longer. We'll have to
Belphanior: (floats up into the air, carrying Ged) Now
Ged: (points to a very distant pinprick of light in an
otherwise black landscape) Could _that_ be something?
Belphanior: Let's find out. (they fly in that direction
with all due haste)
back at the cannibal feast site...
Flint: Why the hell are they cooking us?
Rillen: Probably so they can eat us.
Kiel: It's typical, really, among cannibal tribes.
Lyra: Gee, that makes me feel a whole lot better.
Alindyar: And to think, we have come all this way...only
to be eaten by barbarians.
Mongo: (still straining against his bonds, with no luck)
Damn! If I only had my girdle...why, I'd break some
heads! And lots of 'em, too!
Arnold: This wader's hot.
Alindyar: (brow furrowed in concentration) Hmmmmm. (to
Lyra) You know, we could still cast spells that require
only a verbal component...
Lyra: You know, you're right. (thinking) Hmm. So what
does that leave us with?
Alindyar: Err...feather fall. And blindness. For me.
Lyra: And hold portal, knock, polymorph self, and contact
Mongo: Contact other plane? What the hell are you two up
Peldor: (realizes that he can still use his feather-tattoo
powers) Yeah! Hmm. Fire resistance will save me from
this boiling...haste is sorta useless right now...aha!
(he becomes invisible)
savage who was watching: Rog! (he runs forth and pokes
repeatedly at the place where Peldor was a minute ago)
Peldor: Ow! (becomes visible) Ow!
savage: (satisfied, he trots away)
Lyra: Well, _that_ was certainly useful!
Kiel: Crafty, these savages.
Peldor: (looking at the cuts on his arm and chest) At
least these'll heal right up...those feathers...all
Alindyar: (to Lyra) Knock! For our bonds.
Lyra: Knock doesn't work on ropes and vines, silly. But
Alindyar: I suppose that a feather fall has no practical
application whatsoever, given our current situation. I
could use the blindness to cover your casting, should
some random savage witness it.
Lyra: Sounds fine to me. Better than cooking in this pot,
savage: (looking at the adventurers hungrily) Nglok hy
kroc nar! (he sharpens a wicked-looking fillet knife)
other savage: (stokes the fires beneath the big pot)
Peldor: Hey! Stop that, you!
savage: (grins at the thief, displaying a mouthful of
filed, pointed teeth) Ngrod ha! Ha baa!
Peldor: I warn you! Harming the great Peldor is surely
a capital offense! I'll have you all executed! Burned
savage: (ignoring the thief)
Flint: No, it's _us_ who are gonna be burned alive.
Kiel: (wondering who this great "Peldor" is, and if he's
ever heard of him)
Arnold: (notices, as do the others, that the water in
the pot is now on the hot side of lukewarm) Aaaaaaaaa.
Alindyar: Let us make haste. (prepares to use his spell
of Blindness, if necessary)
Flint: (wondering what happens to flesh when it boils)
Lyra: (begins mumbling quietly, to cast her Polymorph
Self spell) Shape of...a p-
Suddenly, there was a tremendous explosion, as a fireball
appeared and expanded nearby with great force. The bodies
of slain savages flew in all directions, propelled by the
force of the blast. An unlucky few were ignited yet alive,
and these ran around wildly, screaming.
Peldor: Heh heh. Look at that. I told ya they'd get
Flint: Folks, I think we're being rescued!
Kiel: Really? How marvelous!
Mongo: (looking around frantically)
Lyra: (startled, but completes her spell, and polymorphs
herself into a piranha, vanishing from sight beneath the
Alindyar: Yipes! (the ropes binding his hands are being
chewed through rather rapidly)
Peldor: (looking around) What's going on?
savages: (milling about, screaming and chanting)
witch doctor: Mgoomba! (points a feathered staff at
those in the pot) Mgoomba!
Belphanior: (descends to the ground silently) Uh-uh.
(uses a Vampiric Touch and grabs the shaman's head from
witch doctor: Urg. (collapses)
Belphanior: (grabs the limp body and hefts it over his
savages: (many of them turn to look)
Belphanior: (shakes the body) I have KILLED the great
Mgoomba! Flee in terror!
savages: Aie! (they run around in circles, terrified)
Peldor: Heh heh. Classic!
Kiel: Those savages. The things they do!
Lyra: (in piranha form, chews through Peldor's bonds)
Lyra: (bites the thief solidly on his rear) chomp.
Peldor: Yie! (he bolts upright, hastes himself, and
becomes invisible) No one will see the mighty Peldor
naked unless he wishes it! (he leaps out of the pot,
Lyra: (chewing through Mongo's bonds)
Mongo: (still hasn't entirely figured out what's going
Ged: (nearby, confronting some savages armed with their
savages: (firing darts at the elf, but the darts are
bouncing away thanks to his belt) Dongaa!
Ged: Ha! (advances on the savages, glowing morningstar
savages: Aieee! (scatter)
Belphanior: (hurls the witch doctor's body away, and
draws his sword) Hah! (to Ged) Looks like Mongo and
the others have broken free...(points with Blackrazor
to those in the pot, several of whom are standing up
now) They didn't need our help after all.
Ged: Yea, but we can still cover for them. After all,
they're naked and weaponless.
Belphanior: (menaces a savage)
Ged: (casts Ice Storm, and numerous savages are caught
in the blizzard)
Peldor: (invisible, he searches the crude huts for the
party's equipment and weapons, dodging savages left
Belphanior: (casts Chaos upon a group of cannibals that
confronts him) Take _that_!
savages: (become confused and chaotic) Glord?
Belphanior: Ha ha! (dashes toward the big iron pot)
Belphanior: What are you guys doing in that cooking
pot without any clothes on?!?
Belphanior: No matter. Here! (tosses them some of
the savages' grass skirts)
Mongo: Thanks. (gratefully puts one of the things
on, though it's a tight fit) Now I'm ready for the
fight! (leaps on a passing savage, and tackles the
guy to the ground, pummeling him)
Flint: (wraps a grass skirt on and climbs out of the
cooking pot) Dinner's walking away...
cannibal chief: (strides forth, a huge tooth-covered
war club in his meaty hands) Oonga oonga!
Alindyar: Bah. (uses his Blindness spell on the war
chief: Aaaaaiooooog! (covers his eyes with his hands
and stumbles about) Aaaaagg!
Alindyar: (gets out of the pot)
Flint: (kicks the war chief in the crotch, downing him
quickly, and grabs the sacred war club)
Flint: (bashes the chief, silencing him) Quiet, you!
Rillen: (leaps out of the cooking pot, a cannibal
skirt wrapped loosely about his waist) For people
who eat other people, these savages are fairly lean.
(kicks an attacking savage in the belly, doubling him
Kiel: (now freed, grabs a grass skirt and runs around
near the huts) We have to find my equipment!
Mongo: (tosses a foe aside) Why?
Kiel: Because I have a way to get us out of here!
Arnold: (now freed, leaps out of the pot, heedless of
his nakedness) Aaaaaaaa.
Lyra: (polymorphs into a huge brown bear, and steps
out of the pot, charging forth to terrorize a band
of charging cannibals) RRRAAAARGH!
savages: Aie! (flee in terror, their attack foiled)
Lyra: (chases them away) GRAAARGH!
witch doctors: (with some guards, they approach the
pot's location) Noogee brok rog!
Arnold: (his back to Lyra and the savages she scared
away, stands next to the huge cooking pot, and grabs
it at one side, ignoring the hot metal) Aaaaa! (he
tips the thing over, aiming at the approaching witch
doctors and their entourage) Aaaaaaa!
witch doctors: Dlorg bront? (along with most of their
guards, they are hit by the wall of hot water, and
knocked back a ways) Yieeee!
Arnold: (grabs a big wooden ladle from the ground and
charges the witch doctors) Ah-nold!
witch doctor: Blerg? (raises his staff to defend
Peldor: (finds the chief's hut, where all the party's
weapons and equipment are loosely piled) Yo! (waves
to Ged) Weapons! Oh. (ceases his invisibility) Hey!
Ged: (yells to Mongo and Rillen, and points to Peldor)
Mongo: (runs toward the thief in the chief's hut) I'm
on my way!
savage: (blocking the dwarf's way, gets bashed aside)
Mongo: He was _in_ my way!
Flint: (follows Mongo)
Alindyar: (likewise) Come! We are making a break for
Kiel: (approaching Peldor from another direction, he
deftly ducks the attack of a cannibal, and disarms
the fellow, then smacks him in the head with his own
savage: (knocked out)
Kiel: Bah. (sprints for Peldor's hut)
Belphanior: (floating in the air again, casting a spell)
Arnold: (swats at the witch doctor, breaking the big
wooden ladle over the savage's head) Ah-nold!
witch doctor: (brained, falls)
Arnold: Aaaaa! (follows Mongo and the others)
Belphanior: (uses a Flame Sphere to cover the former
prisoners' escape from the cooking pot area) Back!
savages: (a few are burned by the blazing sphere, as it
rolls around among them)
Belphanior: (his Fly spell expires, and he falls the
short distance to the ground) Shit!
savages: (close in on the elf, now a prime target)
Ged: (casts a Cloudkill amongst the cannibal group)
savages: (begin dropping or staggering about, poisoned)
Ged: Run for it!
Belphanior: Yeah! (runs for it)
Lyra: (still in the form of a bear, lumbers through a
mob of cannibals, unhindered, heading toward Peldor)
Peldor: (standing outside the chief's hut, watching
everyone converge on him) The mighty Peldor comes
Shortly, everyone was in the hut, trying to find the
weapons and items best suited to the immediate problem -
the mob of savages that was converging on the chief's
Ged: (uses Burning Hands to ignite a nearby hut) That
should help add to the confusion.
savage: (backs away from the suddenly-blazing hut)
Kiel: My ring of recall! Where is it?!?
Peldor: Ring of who?
Kiel: My ring of recall! It will take us back to the
mainland in a mere second!
Alindyar: It will?
Ged: (notices the closing savages) Shit. No time for
rings. Everyone get together now, I'm casting a wall
of force! (begins casting as the party clusters into
a tight group, most of them still looking for their
savages: (stop and hurl or fire their weapons)
Ged: (gets the wall of force up in time) Boccob! (he
watches as the darts and spears bounce off of the
magical barrier) Ha!
The savages tried everything, but they couldn't get
through the magical barrier. At least not yet...
Belphanior: Say, I know we're safe now and all, but
shouldn't we be worrying about how we're going to get
out of this when the forcedome expires?
Ged: Sure, I'll teleport us back to the ship.
Alindyar: Not possible. Even you and I together could
teleport all of us away.
Kiel: Where's my ring? It can take us all...
Peldor: I think you'd better forget about the ring.
_He_ won't wait that long. (points to a witch doctor
who just strolled up)
Ged: Damn. He might have a spell that can get through
this. Or if not, he might do something really bad,
like have the cannibals pile up rocks atop the wall
Mongo: Fuck this. Too bad we can't just shove everyone
and their shit into my portable hole. (holds the item
in one raised hand) And _then_ teleport away.
Alindyar: (regards the dwarf)
Lyra: (regards the dwarf)
Ged: (regards the dwarf)
Mongo: (looks around, confused) Huh?
Kiel: Well, why not?
savages: (now busy digging a trench around the wall of
Ged: (excited) Yea, we could try it.
Alindyar: What do we have to lose?
Mongo: Okay, then! First the equipment, then everyone
just jump in! (opens up the portable hole)
Ged: (to Mongo) There's only a finite amount of air in
there. So make _sure_ that after we get done, you open
the hole up before too long, okay?
Mongo: Gotcha. Now quit worrying and climb in!
Ged: (to Alindyar) Who's going to cast teleport?
Alindyar: I shall do it, I suppose. Being more skilled
Ged: (fumes) Okay, but make it a good one.
Alindyar: Of course.
Soon, everyone but Mongo and Alindyar was inside the
portable hole, along with all their items. Mongo closed
the magical container.
Alindyar: (casts his spell)
There was a blinking effect, and suddenly, the two
adventurers were standing on the deck of the _Typhoon_!
Jerrod: (busy folding a spare sail, looks up in surprise)
Hey! Didn't expect to see you back here so soon.
Alindyar: Believe me, it was a close thing.
Mongo: Wow! (promptly opens up the portable hole, and
Peldor climbs out)
Peldor: (looks around) Good. We made it.
Belphanior: (sticks his head out) Cool!
Ged: (pushes Belphanior out of the way and sticks his
own head out) Jerrod? We'll need to be setting sail
Jerrod: Whatever you say, you're paying for this trip.
Shortly, everyone except Ged and Belphanior retreated
to private cabins, to get dressed; the two elves conversed
with Captain Jerrod as the _Typhoon_ sailed away from the
Jerrod: I guess you found whatever it was you were
looking for back there.
Belphanior: As well as a few things we weren't looking
for, though I must admit, it was fun.
They made good time, quickly leaving the wild continent
behind them. Within half an hour, everyone was dressed
and re-equipped, though it didn't matter, since nothing
happened that day, or the next, or the next...
However, the _next_ day, two other ships were sighted
off the starboard bow.
lookout: (a young lad, in the crows' nest) Pirates! Two
of 'em! Big ones, too! Galleys!
Jerrod: Damn. (begins barking orders to the first mate)
first mate: (begins barking orders to the crew members)
crewmen: (scurry about, preparing for combat)
Jerrod: Damned if we're going to run from these bastards!
Ged: (preparing a spell) Maybe we won't have to...
Jerrod: Why's that?
Alindyar: Let us simply say that it is good to have magi
aboard...(prepares a spell)
The pirate ships closed fast, and shortly, arrows began
whizzing at the _Typhoon_ and its crew .
Mongo: (backs up a bit, as an arrow imbeds itself in the
deck nearby) Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast...
Lyra: (watching the pirates approach) Villains, one and
Peldor: Hey, that's not-
Ged: (casts a Lightning Bolt at one of the oncoming pirate
ships) For Boccob!
There was a tremendous cracking sound as the magical bolt
tore into the approaching vessel, punching a gaping hole in
its side. The big ship quickly began taking on water, and
its bow slowly rose into the air, pointing to the heavens
like a giant needle.
Ged: Yea! (dances about merrily)
Belphanior: Well, I guess that showed _them_.
The other pirate vessel, which had been approaching right
behind its sister ship, abruptly turned, breaking off its
attack. A few survivors from the sinking galley swam for,
and were picked up by, the second ship, but then it quickly
Alindyar: (cursing) Fireballs have less range...oh well.
(sends his Fireball at the second pirate ship, but it
falls short, boiling quite a bit of water and sending a
massive cloud of steam into the air) That should make
their decision final.
Jerrod: (gapes in wonder) You actually drove them away!
Ged: Of course. Only fools stay to reckon with the power
of Boccob. (gestures nonchalantly)
crewmen: (also gaping in amazement) Wow, didja see that?!
Mongo: (puts his hammer away) Sheesh.
Kiel: Hmm. I'm going to have to find some more magi for
my next expedition...
Over a week later, after a rather quiet voyage (perhaps
the gods were feeling benevolent) the ship arrived at the
sailors: (maneuver the _Typhoon_ toward the coast)
Jerrod: (accepts the rest of the payment from Ged and
Mongo) Well, I guess that's that.
Ged: Actually, we might be needing you to take us a bit
west...to avoid a lot of land travel, and to speed
things up for our trip...
next time : the party embarks on the second leg of the quest
after talking to Kiel
ftp site : ccosun.caltech.edu, in pub/adnd/fluff/adventurers
notes : I'm posting this on Thursday 6/17, and then
(this weekend) going to the beach for a little
while, so there won't be any postings for a week
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